The Ketamine Chronicles

Walking toward the glass hotel door I glimpsed my reflection as I took a heavy sigh before exiting and heading back to work.  As I approached the door I could see my reflection as a double like I was a ghost following behind myself.  I am sure it was simply a trick of the light on the glass but for me it could not have been more representative of my life right now.  My soul is disconnected from my body.  I am a shell, an empty shell wandering around attending to the small useless tasks of life and completely unable to focus any energy on anything but basic survival.  It has been my hope that Ketamine will reconnect me, will rejoin the soul to my body.  They say that the drug can create an out of body experience.  I already feel like I am having that.  But in a bad way.  I feel like I am inside my empty shell and my soul is off wandering away from me. How can I survive the weeks ahead of me and to what end?  What if this doesn’t work ...

My AC has been acting up for a while.  I called the repair guy a few months ago but he said that it could be a 1000 things and of course it did not do it when he was here.  Since my unit is not quite 8 years old he said it might be smarter to just replace the whole unit rather than start randomly replacing things.  This made me sick to my stomach since the unit is a Trane that I have well maintained so I should not have to replace it yet.  Since the only issue I was having was that the fan would run continuously I decided to just wait it out and see.  We had a patch of decent weather and I had the windows open and as afternoon hit I realized that although the unit was turned off the fan turned itself on (which should not happen when the unit is off).  It ran all night solid and would nit shut off.  It also pulls the hot air from my eaves down into the house making the cool air blowing thru my house useless.  Eventually we decided to trip the bre...

 This keyboard has been as my piano. When I am fully in harmony with my emotions and deeply connected to my thoughts the words, like notes, stream from my fingertips. In the years previous to these I have created symphonies. But then one day that stopped. I didn’t know why, only that it had. That music and song has been silent now for almost 7 years and I still lack the knowledge to understand why. My words have produced as many happy melodies as it has sad and melancholy tunes full of anguish and pain.  I have never been afraid of the notes they created.  The page was my spirit flowing like a mighty river from the deep chasms inside me. I allowed that river, its turbulent swift currents, its quiet and peaceful eddies, its offshoots down babbling brooks over soft stones. And most times I controlled all of it, channeled it, molded it, rode in it and above it and often even below it. It carried me sleeping on its ripples, tossed me down its raging waterfalls, even drowned...