covid plus ketamine

Driving home from work I noticed I had a mild sore throat. The hotel usually gives me a mild agitation in my throat from the AC blowing on me all night so I didn’t think much of us until the next morning when I woke up and that sore throat was full blown. I had my ketamine scheduled for 11 so I decided to do a covid test to be safe.  I was negative but my throat was really sore so I decided to call my dr who told me I had seasonal allergies.  No offense to his knowledge but I knew it was NOT seasonal allergies. I also knew there was little they could do for a sore throat anyway and started to regret even calling the doctor in the first place. 

I arrive at the clinic and had some trepidation about how my throat would handle the Spravato.  Although you spray it in your nose it eventually drips down your throat.  I did my new technique where I just spray and don’t inhale and let it sit in my nose.  Then I pinch my nose closed to keep it in place.  So for the first 2 doses it was mostly just in my nose and had not hit my throat but on the 3^rd dose the drainage started and let me just tell you it was like pouring gasoline slowly onto an open fire.  My throat was ablaze.  And on top of it I was now hitting full dose so all I could think was that there was no turning back now and my only hope for relief was the knowledge that ketamine is an anesthetic.  It often numbs my face and mouth so I hoped it would extend to my throat.  Thankfully a short time later it did. 

I can’t say I got a lot out of the session.  I mean it was an intense trip but I just was very scattered and I think being sick really put me in a bad frame of mind.  I headed home for a phone date with an old friend.  I have been trying really hard lately to be more social and have those interactions I had closed myself off to.  Well hours later of chatting and me just laying in the love sac resting, I started to realize I did not feel well.  I considered it may be that I hadn’t eaten much but I wasn’t hungry.  Then I started to feel the body aches and chills and then the fever.  By 6pm it was all full blown and I knew it was definitely NOT seasonal allergies.  I assumed at that point it was the flu because I had tested negative for covid that morning. 

2 days of laying in bed feeling like I was dying resulted in a call to my dr on the 3^rd day if for no other reason than to point out that I did NOT have seasonal allergies.  I did not get the same dr (its always a crap shoot who you get when you call) and she recommended I do another covid test.  Now after almost 4 years of doing covid tests and never once being positive I am used to the routine but always expect a negative.  The minute I closed the flap and the test strip began registering it showed positive.  It was literally under 5 seconds.  It was so fast I thought for sure something was wrong.  I remember thinking “is this thing broken?”. LOL.  It was not.  I stood there for the whole 15 minutes staring at the test strip hoping it was going to change or disappear but it only got more vibrant and bypassed the light pink color and went straight to a purpleish red.  It was SO positive.

The doctor called me back after the 15 minutes had passed and I admitted I was positive.  She offered me the antiviral which I turned down because I felt I was already 4 days in and that is intended to be taken at onset.  She did give me benzonatate (Tessalon perles) which I love, for the cough, and also a preemptive antibiotic to keep the covid from turning into bronchitis which I am prone to.  And then the call ended and I was on my own. 

First I had to process that.  I mean for almost 4 years I avoided it and now here I was.  Who had I infected inadvertently not knowing?  Where did I get it?  Well that one was not a mystery so much.  I was at work all week in that hotel with the tatoo and piercing convention and then they had a year end “party” which I forced myself to attend despite my own intuition not to go.  I had a terrible time and all it did was enhance my social anxiety.  Ironically I went against my usual stay in your room and speak to no one social protocol and tried to branch out since I was feeling so much better mentally.  GAH. 

I then had to come to terms with the fact that I had likely infected my husband who was around me for the last 3 days.  Yes I was sick so we weren’t kissing or anything but we did sleep in the same bed.  I know. I know.  Even if it’s the flu I shouldn’t have exposed him to it but I thought it was just the flu and even if he got it, it would just be a day or two and he would be fine.  I don’t know.  I just didn’t worry about it.  But now here we were ON OUR 32^nd ANNIVERSARY and I now had to tell him I had covid.  Happy anniversary. 

He immediately put on a mask at work and eventually left work early and came home and tested.  He was negative and had no symptoms so we divided the house up.  He had what I called the east wing which was the guest bedroom and bathroom (which I had not been in and infected) and I stayed in the master.  I had the livingroom and he had the great room.  I became obsessed with disinfecting and trying to get rid of the germs.  I was so afraid of infecting him.

I notified my 3 work friends who I spent the most time with face to face those days and they were all negative.  My dr felt that because I was negative on Monday I was still incubating and had a low viral load so I was likely not highly contagious to them thankfully. 

A week later I was still quite sick.  I had of course over that week added to the fever, chills and body aches with all the additional symptoms; the cough, the liquid diarrhea, the severe headache, the nausea. The worst was the cough and the headache.  I have never had such a bad headache.  For days I juggled it unmedicated trying to allow the fever to do its fevery work.  But after the fever dissipated, I did take Tylenol.  But it would wear off and that headache would come right back with a vengeance.  I was up and down.  One minute feeling better and one feeling worse.  But eventually I felt well enough to at least get things done around the house.  I did not leave the house all week. 

At the 10 day mark (8 days of symptoms plus the 2 days of incubation) they say that someone with a moderate case is no longer contagious.  For people with no symptoms or mild ones it is 5 days.  I considered myself definitely a moderate case so it was important for me to not infect anyone.  I was struggling with whether to do the next ketamine session or not.  The guidance is so confusing.  But from the CDC website it seemed like I was good to go but I was curious if I was still testing positive.  I mentioned doing a test and Jym wanted to also test again.  I was apposed to this and flat out said no because I didn’t want to waste tests when he had no symptoms except the stuffy nose and cough (which he always has with his allergies) but then I felt guilty and decided that if he wanted to test for his peace of mind then fine.  I left the test on the counter for him and did mine.  It was still positive.  But I felt well enough to go and I was at the 10 day mark (actually day 11) so I decided to just do it. 

I tried to meditate but was interrupted by Jym doing his test and to my shock and dismay it was positive.  So not only did I miss out on 5 days with him where we were separated but I likely infected him in those early days and we just didn’t know it.  He had been wearing a mask at work and limiting his contact but now we were in a bind.  By his job’s HRF policy he is forced to take 5 days without pay if he tests positive.  I felt this was ridiculous at this point as he was already there 5 days (which was the contagious period for someone with mild or no symptoms) and so this was an expensive exercise in futility at this point.  But he insisted that he was honest with his job.  I was so mad about everything at that point and we did exactly what they warm against which was having an argument before your session. 

Don’t get me wrong I am all about NOT infecting other people and I am 100% willing to follow any protocol that is necessary to keep others safe but I am certain he was not contagious at that point.  In fact if anyone was it was me but according to the science I probably was not by then and I had symptoms.  But whatever.  This is also coming off the back of the last 2 months where we have been financially bleeding out and now have to endure him being off for 5 days without pay.  And to not have that happen I would have to encourage dishonesty.  I was just angry at the whole situation and even after my husband had reported it to his HR and everything was done and I place I still did not feel good about it. 

I went into my session trying to feel some sense of resolve but I did not.  I went there with a mask (and yes I notified the clinic the week before that I had covid and where I was on that continuum so I was not hiding anything from them).  I stayed away from everyone in the lobby and went right to my private cubicle.  I started my doses and put on the headset and tried to relax.  I could hear people coughing all around me in the other cubicles so I am certain other people there were sick as well and probably in the same conundrum as me or maybe denying they were sick completely.  I actually felt pretty good and didn’t even cough.  It was probably the best day I had since I got sick. 

I wish I could say that for the session though.  I had another intense session but got nothing out of it.  Somewhere between dose 2 and 3 my brain started to focus on the fact that I am so mentally sick that I was so desperate for that treatment that I was now sitting in a chair WITH COVID getting KETAMINE.  I was physically ill and mentally ill at the same time and I had no idea how this drug was even going to interact with the covid.  I tried to calm myself my reminding myself that technically I was incubating the covid on the last session (when I was nursing the sore throat) and I didn’t die so I would probably survive this too.  And I did.  I just don’t feel I got anything positive out of it other than it was one more dose to work inside me. 

I will say I was exhausted afterward.  It wore me out like none before.  I went right to bed when I got in the door.  I was so out of it.  I was dizzy and could hardly keep my eyes open when the session was over and I felt like I should have stayed there longer to come out of it but then it just lasted forever.  That night I still felt completely drained.  I just hope that the drug is doing its work inside of me and that I didn’t screw up doing it when I was sick.