The Abyss

My last session was really good.  It was very enlightening. I remember a dome above me.  It was a thin dome high up in the sky.  I could see a spot of it degrading like it was being eaten away as if by acid.  But then I noticed that the hole was trying to heal itself.  It kept attempting to close and solidify the dome again but whatever was eating it away kept at it and the hole would reopen.  Its edges ragged like it was alive.  As the hole got larger I got sucked into it.  Not like a black hole but just like an alien abduction.  LOL.  Gentler.  Kinder.  Just like a lifting.  It was calm and peaceful and on the other side, the universe.  I was floating gently thru the blackness of space with tiny lighted stars all around me. I felt weightless.  Released. 

This session also had an elephant in it.  Sometimes I remember odd bits and pieces and try to note anything that seemed powerful in some way to me.  I also saw my goddess again but this time she was red like fire red all over.  She felt angry, No.  Not angry.  That isn’t the word.  I mean it is but it's not.  She felt powerful.  I mean she always feels powerful in her usual green state but this time the red made her feel somehow more powerful.  More dialed in.  More focused.  Like her switch was flipped to ON. There was also a pink light coming from her, like the red but gently flowing into white with a sort of pink glow.  It emanated from her and I was lifted in it.  I felt again weightless and floating. 

I had a lot of thoughts on this session and brought it up on the drive to my next session with Jym.  We talked about the tree of life and how there is a drawing of it with a circle of planet-like balls above it. Jym said these are the points of life and in the center, the black one, is the abyss.  He said that people walk around the other points and paths in their lives but they avoid the abyss.  But the only way to truly find enlightenment is to jump.  There is no path to the other points of life that do not pass thru the abyss.  There is no bridge. No way around it. It is the place where everything matters and nothing matters all at the same time.  To get to the other side and experience those other points of life you have to go thru it. Then he said, “That chasm is before you now. You just need to leap into it and trust the path before you even if you can’t see it.” He then went on to tell me that my writing is my greatest gift and when I write it is the best part of me, the most real version of myself. Nothing can stop me from having that ability and using it except myself and my own fears of the abyss. I explained that I don’t have a path for my writing.  I write and no one reads it so what is the use? He said “write that book”.  I said I can’t.  He said “You’re right.  You can’t never write A book. Because you already did.  Now you can only write ANOTHER book.”

He was referencing a failed book I wrote that will never see the light of day and the few people I chose to share it with don’t read it so what is even the purpose to write another one.  He reminded me that it doesn’t matter who reads it or who doesn’t.  It matters that I physically wrote it and that means I CAN write another one.  And although my audience is not in my life currently it does not mean I can’t find my audience along the path.  “You are on the edge of the abyss baby.  Jump.  Or I will push you. LOL” he said.  He is right.  I just need to believe I can do it.  I just need to find the strength to walk to the edge and step off.  Why do other people have that ability and I don’t?  It gave me a lot to think about.