The struggle is Real

 I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I am more than 2 weeks into my month (may) with no Spravato.  I knew this was coming and was just how it had to be due to work commitments on both my part and Jym’s and the holiday (the clinic is closed).  So I am trying hard to get thru til June 3 (session #38).  I really feel like although Spravato is healing me and not just drugging me, my stupid brain just can’t stop chewing itself up in the spaces in between.  I am hoping right now is just me having anxiety about how I am going to do without it for a month.  I mean the reality is that November and December will both be months that I will likely not have treatment or very sparsely at best so I knew this “trial” run was necessary and was hoping I would do better than I am now. 

I had a rough few work weeks mentally with some issues that were going on and it really wore me down and so it was bad timing for sure to be without the meds now.  But it is what it is and I guess you need to test something so you need to put it thru its paces or it doesn't count right?  Well I have pushed my mental limits for certain this month on several avenues and so if I can get thru this, then I can get thru anything.  At least that is what I plan to keep telling myself until I am back in that chair again.  

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